Angela Zomaya

“Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we will ever do.”

Brené  Brown

The first time I set out to read Crime and Punishment, the description of Sonya (before she became a prostitute) as a “poor but honourable girl” struck a chord with me. There was a strange familiarity to it. Without realizing it at the time, I spent my adolescent years striving for something similar. My internal struggle was this: I was already poor, but could I still be “honorable”? That part, I decided, was up to me.

Humble beginnings

Growing up in the projects in rural Appalachia, I always felt like I had something to prove. Teachers, students, and even some fellow church goers treated me differently when they found out where I lived. I tried to build my own persona grata with good grades and good manners (which would eventually morph into an unhealthy perfectionism). While I cared deeply about my reputation, I wanted to prove to myself above all that I was worth more than face value.

I believe that in some subconscious way I am still trying to prove myself, although the circumstances are different now in my mid-twenties. Through patience and persistence, I ultimately overcame the socioeconomic challenges of my youth. However, I am still a long way from self-actualization.

Once I graduated college and found gainful employment, I realized that my achievements, while honorable, do not define me any more than my zip code does. I am still becoming; still learning and growing every day.

A new creative journey

I have decided to manifest this ongoing internal effort as a creative challenge. Over the next few months, I will document my journey as I intentionally seek out new ways of understanding myself and my place in the world. As a young woman from humble beginnings, I am continually striving to become someone I could have looked up to in my youth; someone I can be proud of even now. A role model, if you will, for my younger self.

Morality, honor, and respectability are all highly subjective concepts, but I believe we all have a duty to give back to the world through kindness, compassion, and goodwill. There is a middle ground we must walk: a fine line between staying true to ourselves and living in community, that requires us to find a balance between authenticity and conscientiousness.

Owning my story

The questions I will ask of myself are this:

• What does it mean to be of strong moral character?
• What are my values, and how are they reflected in my daily life?
• How do I want to be remembered?
• What can I give back to the world by simply being myself?

As I set out to find these answers, I do so knowing that this is not a road with a final destination, but instead one that winds its way around and around until I return to the dirt.