In the spirit of the new year, I wanted to take the time to answer this question, which I borrowed from Melinda Gates’ book, The Moment of Lift:
What do you understand now more deeply than you did before?
In this case, “before” for me was the beginning of the last decade, around the year 2010.
Looking back on the past ten years, I describe them as a time marked by personal transformation, grief and growth. When I ask myself what I understand now more than I did then, the most critical thing that comes to my mind is the importance of people.
I understand loss in such a deeper way now–a way that I couldn’t even fathom ten years ago. Before then, the biggest loss I ever felt was probably my parent’s divorce or the death of a puppy. Both of those things were painful, especially to a kid as young as I was, but the passing of my grandfather in 2013 truly defined what grief was for me.
I wish I had spent my final days with my grandfather differently. I wish I hadn’t been so squeamish at the hospitals and nursing home. I wish I had spent more time visiting him instead of taking naps or doing homework. I wish I had hugged him tighter. I know I can’t go back and change these things but I’ll be damned if I haven’t learned from them.
Now, each and every moment with my loved ones counts. Even when I’m annoyed, or angry, or tired, or busy or just want to go home. Knowing that our days together are numbered helps me to remember what really matters. That’s not to say that boundaries aren’t important–of course they are. However, it does put the petty small stuff into perspective.
Grief, loss and the value of people are just a few things I understand more deeply now that I’m older. As I’ve made my 24 trips around the sun, I’ve picked up quite a few other lessons, too. They may not have been as life-altering as that one, but they have been just as fundamental in shaping me into who I am today, and who I will be going into this next decade:
Not all friends are forever.
There isn’t just one path to success.
There are a lot of things I don’t know, but there are even more things that I don’t know I don’t know. (This is true for all of us.)
Food is a complicated issue, but it doesn’t have to be.
It’s usually better to be kind than whatever the alternative is.
There’s more than one definition of love.
These are the things that helped me define my years over the past decade. Transitioning from a young, naive teenager into an adult in this modern age wasn’t easy, but I’m looking ahead to the 2020s as a time of healing, hope and prosperity.
Whatever past lies behind you, I hope you as well can look forward to the future with hope.
Excellent writing and powerful as always. It’s almost amusing to me to grow older and older and realize, with more and more clarity, how little I knew and still know.